Etiquette: In Harmony With Our Environment
et·i·quette
ˈ”edəkət,ˈedəˌket/noun The customary code of polite behavior in society or among members of a particular profession or group.” http://www.dictionary.com
I’d like to know. How much do manners matter and how important is their role in relationships to you? Manners matters to me, but it doesn’t keep me from seeing beyond and reaching the heart of others, regardless of their manners.
Every day of our lives everyone follows some form of etiquette.
Find out what the most common, best, and worst manners are, and make a cross reference to your own list of best and worst manners. Write your list in the comments space on this page and check back to see when your twin soul shows up. Comment on their post, if you would, please. Thank you.
The following list of most common bad manners of the day reported by about.com may surprise you.
1. How much do you make, how much did you pay for that ________________.
2. Cell phone conversations in public.
3. Excessive virtual socializing.
4. Crowding the person at the cash register.
5. Dressing inappropriately.
6. Being unkind to disabled people.
7. Casting off the elderly.
8. Letting children misbehave.
9. Exhibiting terrible manners at the table.
10. Not taking the time to show gratitude.
11. Ignoring the RSVP.
12. Letting foul language fly in public.
How many of the above match your list?
Let’s look at dining out manners.
That tops my list.
I don’t know about you, but I think that burping loudly is always a bad manner, whether you’re home alone or not. I am my own companion, and I like to be polite to myself. So I always try to burp as quietly as possible or none at all.
When dining out, it is customary to wait to be seated, but if we have a say, shouldn’t we choose our seat, especially in a restaurant? Avoiding high traffic areas, not too close to the door or the kitchen and not too far in the back to be forgotten, may enhance your dining experience. After all, you’re not there for the food alone, the ambiance and you determine the mood. Dining is part of the art of living.
Do’s.
Do put your napkin on your lap. Start from the outside in with your cutlery. Hold your fork with your left hand and your knife with the right. Cut your food in small pieces. Chew thoroughly. Take your time. Converse.
Don’ts.
Do these archaic rules still reign over our table manners?
Don’t chew with your mouth open.
Don’t talk with your mouth full.
Don’t drink while there is still food in your mouth.
Don’t over extend to reach something on the table, but ask for it to be moved to a spot on the table closer to your reach, but not to your hand.
Don’t rest your elbows on the table.
Don’t use your cell phone while dining. Put it away.
Don’t push your plate when you’re done.
Don’t sop.
Don’t wave utensils about.
Don’t take a half bite.
Don’t blow on your food.
Don’t pick your teeth.
Don’t slouch.
Don’t groom at the table.
Don’t slurp.
Don’t stuff your mouth.
Don’t blow your nose at the table.
Fine Dining
Having a cocktail with your dinner may not be such a bad idea, after all.
Ideally, cocktails are served first, you may drink one or two while conversing and ordering your meal. Then, with your meal, you may drink wine or water. After dessert, or if you skip dessert, you may drink coffee and a poussé café (my favorite) followed by cognac and cigars. That really hikes the price of your meal. But fine dining has a downside.
After dining.
Once you’re finished, what do you do? Get in the car and go home to watch TV? Why not take a short walk around the neighborhood, the park, the beach, wherever the restaurant or home is. Perhaps a short visit to the balcony or the front yard will enhance circulation for a better digestion.
Utensils use.
Besides working from the outside in, we also need to know how to set our fork and knife down while we rest and when we’re done. Utensils should be placed parallel to each other on top of the plate with the prongs up, in America, with the tines down, in England, when you’re finished. When you’re resting make a V with your utensils on the plate, but never cross them.
In the, now considered, American zig-zag method of fork switching, you change hands after every bite. That’s how I was taught by Mrs. Belton in my Home Ec class in high school. The European style, however, is becoming ever more prevalent in the U.S. where a hybrid style has developed. It always bothered me to see people take the food to their mouth with the left hand. But I find out that’s actually Western world etiquette, nowadays. Guess I was a little bit behind the times.
The art of living manners.
What tops your list?
Mine starts with spitting. I found a blogger, John Burnette, http://bit.ly/1NH1ZUo, who said, “But (for) those guys who didn’t grow up and can’t afford a sports car to prove their manliness, there’s spitting.”
Please, don’t spit in front of a ‘lady,’ that’s a sign of disrespect, it just says “I don’t give a f***.” I consider all women ladies, by the way. Just like I’d like to see a gentleman in you.
Certainly, I have a fair amount of etiquette flaws, especially when it comes to conversing.
I sometimes interrupt people because I am eager to get my point across, I may finish people’s sentence, or answer their question before they’ve finished it, assuming I know what they’re about to say or ask. Sometimes, I may forget to say thank you, I’m sorry, excuse, or you’re welcome if I’m in a hurry or thinking about something else that’s important to me at that moment. And I always kick my self for the little shows of insensitivity. My aunt, a long time resident of NY, NY (the rudest place I’ve come across, perhaps worse than Paris), Nena, once shared with me an English lesson that guaranteed one would get by in America. She said, “Just know when to say thank you, I’m sorry, you’re welcome, and excuse me.” When I’m out and about I make it a point to be aware of my manners, especially my driving manners (Miami drivers top the worst list), which don’t just matter, but can make the difference in avoiding an accident.
Back to conversing manners, you know those people who use what you have just said about your purse or other, as a trampoline to jump into a long haul of their latest project, or a personal experience, without realizing your story is not finished and they haven’t listened? I’ve caught myself doing that. At least I’m honest and aware. Are you?
The art of living starts with good etiquette leading to the development of long lasting synergetic relationships with friends and clients. There’s etiquette for living in harmony with yourself and others.
Please, don’t forget to list your manners’ pet peeves in the comments space here.
Thank you, and, please, excuse me if I have offended you in any way. It certainly wasn’t my intention.
Angela Terga
Women in Film
Angela Terga 